


you affect me, every day

by sunsethue



Series: April child Lee Jeno [2]
Category: NCT, NCT Dream
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 18:45:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18349544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsethue/pseuds/sunsethue
Summary: Is it still a one night stand if it happens several times already? Jeno doesn't have an answer for that. All he knows is that he can't have enough of Huang Renjun.





	you affect me, every day

Jeno has never done this before and he thought he’d never be doing it his entire college life. It’s not that he has anything against those who does it. He just never thought he’d find himself in this situation, where he is drunk not because of alcohol but because of a stranger’s intoxicating charm and alluring beauty. He should stop and not give in to temptation but choosing between the right choice and the chance to be with this attractive boy even just for a night is too difficult for someone like Lee Jeno. So he gives in, and forgets the rest of the world as the stranger pulls his hair harder and kisses him deeper.

*

“Do you have hangover again?” Jaemin asks as he sits next to Jeno in their favorite coffee shop. 

“I don’t. I just lack sleep,” Jeno mumbles, not even making an effort to lift his head and greet his friend.

“Were you out with Renjun again last night?” his friend asks.

“I wasn’t out with him. You know we don’t go out. I was out with Mark and his dance team. But yes, we did bump into Renjun and his friends.”

“And you slept again with him last night,” Jaemin finishes for Jeno.

Jeno hums and doesn’t reply anymore. He left Renjun’s apartment at the other side of the town at early dawn and when he got back to his own room in the campus, he barely got enough sleep anymore. 

“I’ve known you since high school and this is the weirdest relationship you’ve ever had, Jeno. That includes the time you dated the principal’s daughter,” Jaemin says.

“It’s not a relationship. It’s not even a mutual set-up. It just happens,” Jeno says, this time finally lifting his head to meet Jaemin’s concern eyes.

“That’s the same thing you said seven months ago when you first slept with him. It just happened, a one night stand,” Jaemin says. “But a one-night stand is supposed to be just one night. You’ve been out with him so many times I’m already on a first name basis with him. Have you considered changing that status so you don’t lose sleep like this and get into a healthier relationship with him?”

“It’s not that easy, Jaem. We don’t even see each other except on the nights we sleep together. I don’t even know if he likes me without the sex part,” Jeno says.

“But you like him! So you should make an effort to get to know him and show him how you really feel, more than just sleeping with him!”

Jeno lets out a big sigh.

“Renjun… Renjun doesn’t want to be in a relationship,” Jeno says, surprising his friend. “I’m even surprised that he agrees to sleep with me this often. Believe me, there is nothing more I’d want than to be a proper boyfriend to him but he’s been clear since the first night that we are not going to date or fall in love and that it’s just a temporary thing.” 

“Wow, that’s a big surprise then,” Jaemin says after a whole minute of silence.

“What?” Jeno asks. “That I agreed to this kind of thing?”

“No,” Jaemin says. “That Renjun is an even bigger coward than you.”

*

Jeno tries not to overthink about the conversation he had with Jaemin. This whole thing he has with Renjun is a personal choice, anyway. Sure he loses sleep and sure his heart hurts whenever he realizes that Renjun is living his life out there without him but he still prefers having those spare, stolen moments with the boy he likes than having nothing at all.

And he really likes Renjun. 

At first, admittedly, it was all purely physical attraction. Renjun is the prettiest boy he has ever seen, with glowing eyes and a mischievous smile that seems to hide a lot of secrets. And Jeno can’t get over how smooth Renjun’s skin is or how his soft hair smells like lilac and berries.

Jeno believes his and Renjun’s chemistry in bed is also the best. Renjun is like a firecracker and Jeno just can’t have enough of him.

When their bodies are satiated and the lights are still dim, it’s the little conversations they share that makes Jeno fall even more. Renjun is witty and he never fails to make Jeno laugh. Renjun is always curious too and has an interesting take on life. He often asks Jeno unusual questions and his opinions on different issues, both mundane and serious. Jeno craves him so much and he wants to get into Renjun’s mind and heart as much as he gets into his body.

But whenever Jeno feels courageous to take the next step, Renjun would whisper to him, “what we have now is good enough right?” and Jeno would lose his will and confidence that Renjun will still want him outside of the bedroom. 

So they never sleep in, always waking up and leaving before the crack of dawn and the other wakes up. They never set a date to officially meet and never intentionally go to where the other is. They don’t know each other’s schedule and they never bothered to officially introduce each other to their friends. If they randomly see each other, they call it fate and go home together.

Sometimes, they call each other. That’s the only purpose why they exchanged numbers. Always at late night, always just to meet at the other’s room. Mark and Jisung calls it a booty call and Jaemin would scold them because he knows what Jeno’s heart wants. But Jeno can’t totally disagree that maybe what he can only give Renjun is physical happiness.

*  
Jeno is at his limit now. He hasn’t seen Renjun in two weeks. The other boy hasn’t responded to his calls and he already called twice, a big violation to their unspoken rule. Jeno have attended all the college parties for 9 consecutive nights in the hope of bumping into Renjun but he didn’t see even a shadow of him. At one party he was able to see Chenle, one of Renjun’s friends more familiar to him, and Chenle only said that Renjun was busy. When Jeno asked if Renjun changed his number, Chenle only shrugged and he doesn’t want to intrude into Renjun’s business. But that was a week ago and he doesn’t understand why Renjun won’t answer his phone. 

Jeno was worried that something bad might have happened to Renjun so he stalked the other boy’s instagram, something he chose to never do before as a respect to their no strings attached rule. In Renjun’s most recent post, he attended a friend’s performance for open mic in a popular restaurant four nights ago. There will be another open mic tonight and Renjun’s friend hinted performing again. 

So Jeno is taking his chances and purposely tracking down Renjun tonight. His friends, always the supportive crew that they are, insist they go with him.

“You’re missing him a lot and it might cloud your rationality. We will just be here to be your support,” Jaemin says.

“I’m not going to a battle, Jaem,” Jeno says. 

“Might as well be a battle if it’s Renjun involved,” Jisung says.

*

Jeno honestly didn’t know what to expect when he arrived at the venue. For one, it’s quite packed even if he and his friends arrived earlier than the designated time of the event.

“I heard of the open mic nights but I didn’t know they were this popular,” Mark says after they found a spot in one of the corners of the restaurant. It’s a bit secluded but they have a view of the door so Jeno can easily spot Renjun when he comes in. 

“I’m excited to see the performances. I hope we get to see a few before chaos starts,” Jisung says.

“What chaos?” Jeno asks.

“The possible chaos that will erupt when you and Renjun finally meet,” Jaemin says.

Jeno snorts but doesn’t say anything. He is starting to feel nervous too. Jeno did not come to confront Renjun, he knows he has no right. He just wants to know how Renjun is doing and if this is the end for them now. Jeno doesn’t want it end, doesn’t want to lose Renjun. But Jeno needs a clean cut, or else he’d stay infatuated with the other boy even when Renjun has fully moved on already.

It took another another hour before Renjun and his friends finally arrive. Jeno is stunned. Renjun’s hair has grown a bit longer and he tied it in a half ponytail, making him look so endearing to Jeno. It’s only two weeks but Jeno feels like it’s been a lifetime.

“Should I approach him now?” Jeno asks.

“I think you should wait until after the event or something,” Mark suggests.

Soon enough, Renjun’s friend, Donghyuck, approaches the stage and sings two songs. 

Jeno wasn’t able to focus on the performance though because his whole attention is with the boy he likes. It’s his first time to see him inside a calm, well-lit venue and not a club or a party or a bedroom where hormones overrule their rationality. Renjun was smiling widely, cheering for his friend. After the two songs, Renjun shouted “I love you Donghyuck” and Jeno is sure his heart broke at that exact moment. 

This is Renjun’s real world and there is no space for Jeno anymore, not for the kind of role Jeno wants in Renjun’s life.

So he gets up to leave, alarming his friends. Jeno rushes out, accidentally bumping to a waiter and causing a bit of a scene. This attracts Renjun’s attention and Jeno sees his eyes grow in alarm. The scared look in Renjun’s face is proper wake-up call for Jeno to stop assuming he means something to the boy he has grown to love. So Jeno walks away without even saying a word to Renjun.

*

Jeno’s world is crashing in but the sun outside of his room remains bright and warm and he hates it so much. 

He doesn’t remember how he got home last night but he should probably thank his friends later when he gets the energy to move from his bed. It’s a good thing it’s a Sunday and he has doesn’t have class work waiting for him. 

Jeno hates how much the turn of events is hurting him. He can’t blame Renjun, not when Renjun has been honest to him from the start. It’s his fault, everything is his fault for wanting more. He wishes Renjun broke it to him properly, but maybe Renjun didn’t know how invested he was in this relationship anyway. 

They still need to talk because even if they were just friends(?) acquaintances(?) with benefit, they should be responsible for their actions and feelings. But Jeno doesn’t know where to get the courage to actually face Renjun and talk to him. Last night just proved that Jeno is indeed a coward.

Jeno sleeps off the heartbreak for a few more hours. When he wakes up, it’s already way past lunch time. When he opens his phone to call his friends if they want to eat together, he saw that that there are several missed calls from Renjun.

He is still debating whether he’d text Renjun or not when someone knocked on his door.

The last person Jeno expected to see was Renjun, in all his beautiful glory. He was dressed in a plain white shirt and sweatpants, an unusual sight for Jeno. Unlike last night, Renjun kept his hair down this time. He looks so beautiful and Jeno’s heart aches.

“Hi Jeno,” Renjun says softly. 

“Are you here to break up with me?” Jeno asks. It’s only a second later that Jeno realizes his question was stupid. “I’m sorry, that’s a wrong thing to ask.”

“It is a wrong question. I can’t break up with you if we’re not even together, right?” Renjun says, tilting his head just a bit to the left and maintaining his eye contact with Jeno. Renjun looks so adorable like this and Jeno just wants to just grab and kiss him.

“We’re not together, but it still hurts to be dropped so suddenly, Junnie,” Jeno says, using the nickname he made for him. The more he sees Renjun, the more he realizes he’s not angry at the other boy. Jeno is just sad that he’s not allowed to love such a lovable boy. Renjun feels so close to him but no matter how much Jeno reaches out, he is still untouchable.

“Can we talk inside?” Renjun asks. 

Jeno lets him in, thinking it’s a bit cruel to get his heart crushed inside his own home. But he can’t turn down Renjun’s request.

Surprisingly, Renjun goes straight to Jeno’s bed and settles comfortably on it. He lies on one side, wraps himself with Jeno’s blanket, and waits for Jeno to take the other side. Jeno indulges him, not knowing what to do anyway.

“I’ve been on this bed so many times but it’s the only now that I’ve lain on it at this hour,” Renjun says.

“You never stay,” Jeno replies. “Even when it’s weekends, you never stay.” 

“But you never stayed too, Jen,” Renjun says. “You always leave too. So I thought what I believed that first night we slept together still holds. That you don’t want me to be a permanent part of your life.”

“That’s not true!” Jeno says, his voice getting louder. “I want… I want you so much. I want you to be mine. I want us to be together.”

“Would you believe me I only realized that when I saw you last night?” Renjun asks. “Maybe I am really dense, but I never considered you wanted me too. And it got so hard for me because I keep feeling this...deep attachment towards you every night we spend together. I was falling in love with you so I thought I had to stop and walk away because it scares me so much.”

“Are you afraid to be with me?” Jeno asks.

Instead of answering, Renjun moves closer to Jeno and kiss him lightly on his nose.

“Do you know how often I watched you sleep on this bed? You always end up sleeping before me and I’d try to stay awake for a bit longer just so I can watch you peacefully sleep,” Renjun says. “I’m not afraid of being with you because of you. I’m afraid because because I am me. Too many failed relationships in the past made me scared. I got too comfortable with what we had that I didn’t realize I was being unfair to you already.”

“We don’t have to rush anything. It’s enough for me to know that we both want the same thing. We can do this as slowly as you want,” Jeno says, pulling Renjun into a hug.

“If we do this…” Renjun whispers to Jeno’s ears. “If we do this, let’s both promise one thing. No one will walk away without talking to the other. I made a stupid decision for ignoring you for two weeks. You were stupid last night for just walking away without even talking to me. No more of that please?”

Jeno nods. He hugs Renjun tighter and wants to say more assuring things but remembers something.

“What about Donghyuck?” Jeno asks, moving away just a bit to look at Renjun’s eyes again.

“What do you mean? I’m sure Donghyuck will approve of you. He and Chenle have been saying I am always the happiest the day after I spend the night with you.”

“No, I mean… you love him right? You said so last night,” Jeno says with a pout.

Renjun laughs. “I love Donghyuck as a friend. The two of us are very affectionate with words. I was really just proud of him last night. He’s a great singer but he’s always afraid to sing in public. The open mic gave him a new kind of courage.”

“Oh!” Jeno says. “I’m sorry for misunderstanding. We really don’t know much about each other, I guess.”

“I think we know more about each other on the deeper sense but yes I think we lack about basic knowledge about each other,” Renjun says. He frowns a bit, curling his eyebrows cutely.

“I have an idea,” he says, as he gets up. He pushes Jeno to sit up too. Then he extends his right hand.

“Hi! I’m Huang Renjun, a Fine Arts student,” he says. “I like painting and visiting museums. When I’m stressed, I cook a lot. I love drinking all kinds of tea too.”

Jeno smiles as widely as he can. Except for the stress cooking part and painting, Renjun just revealed three new facts about him. “Nice to meet you, Renjun. I’m Lee Jeno. I am actually a pre-med student right now.”

“You’re going to be a doctor?” Renjun interrupts.

“Yes… I never had a chance to tell you about it before,” Jeno says.

“Wow. It must be a miracle I manage to see you in all those parties.”

“The first few times yes, the rest I made extra efforts because I was hoping to see you,” Jeno replies.

“I am such a bad person,” Renjun says.

“No you’re not. I just liked you that much. And you didn’t let me finish my introduction,” Jeno says.

“Okay. Go on then.”

“I like dancing and playing soccer, though I don’t get to do both often since I started college. I play the guitar too.”

“You should play for me once,” Renjun says. “And I’ll cook for you.”

“We can’t really go back and restart our relationship. So I want us to start from where we are now,” Jeno says. “I think I’m in love with you but we don’t have to rush into a label or anything. I just want to spend every day discovering new things about you and doing things with you.” 

“I like that plan very much,” Renjun says. 

Jeno thinks this is the perfect beginning for him and Renjun. He would do anything to be with the boy who captivated him from the first day they met.


End file.
